It's hard to believe that many of the friends I knew in junior high and high school have kids that are either in or entering high school. When my oldest nephew turned 14, all I could think was "Damn, I was doing some dirty, dirty things at that age." Of course, this made me a tad nostalgic for all the fast times I had at New Trier High.
Although I have an amaze-balls memory, I am not immune to my advancing age turning my brain into swiss cheese. I may be romanticizing some aspects, but I'm pretty sure things happened as I write them. After all, I account for my good memory due to me never having done drugs and I'm pretty much a teetotaler. I may have changed some of the time frames and names to protect my partners in crime.
I've never quite gotten the appeal of the sexual position 69. I usually chalk it up to having sexual ADD, but the real story is much more gnarly. I had always been very adventurous sexually, so when one of my partners suggested we try the 69, I figured "what the hell!" Before I go further, let me just remind you that my sexual coming of age happened in the mid to late 1980's---decades before lady and man scaping became en vogue. I was quite horrified when I noticed the inexplicable remnants of balled up toilet paper on my paramour's rear end. Seriously! I know stuff like this probably happens all the time and to the best of us. However, I was quite traumatized at my tender age. Please, let's agree to not talk about this again.
The romantic and my first love
I was blessed with having one of the most lovely and tender lovers early in my life. It helped that I was completely and totally in love with him. This was big love! It was the only time in my entire menstruating life where I thought that I would actually have a baby were I to become pregnant. For those of you who know me well, you know this is huge. I can say with certainty that a 16 year old brain (especially when in love) is not fully formed. My boyfriend, let's call him Josh, was a few years older than me and attended college in California. We met during the late spring and quickly became a googley-eyed couple. We waited a few months before finally doing the deed on the 4th of July. And before you ask, yes, I did see fireworks. Losing my virginity to him was just about as perfect and beautiful as anyone could ask for. We had plenty of privacy as he lived on a separate floor of a duplex where he lived with his family. There were times when we were making love and I actually thought to myself, "holy shit, I can't believe I'm actually doing it!"
Josh and I had a wonderful summer of love. He introduced me to a variety of positions. We did it in cars, hotel rooms, showers, couches, and, of course, beds. He also had this amazing ability to continue after he had cum. We had a successful long distance relationship whilst he was away in college. I was fortunate enough that my parents paid for me to visit him regularly during that year. We wrote near daily love letters to each other (Yeah, I know, I can hear you wanting to throw up), and he utterly surprised me by coming home for Valentine's Day. We did it so much that my mom diagnosed me with having "honeymoon cystitis" and made me an appointment with my ob-gyn to be put on the birth control pill. My gyno doctor also happened to be the physician who birthed me, but that is a whole other weird story. I'm not proud of the way I handled the breakup. I was young and didn't really know what to do, but I know that I blindsided him when I broke up with him. He took the break up so badly that he actually became physically sick. Josh deserved so much better than that, and I'm lucky that he found it in his heart to forgive me later.
(the pictures above are me during my prime high school boinking age)
The guy that was just too damn big
I know that there are size queens out there, but, let me remind you that I have an awfully tight vagina. Oh, but he was such a lovely man. It didn't hurt that he adored eating me out. He said he could stay down there forever, and I believe he actually meant it. Now, most of you know that I am quite proficient in fellatio. In fact, I tend to liken myself to having a PhD in it. However, this beautiful man's penis was just freaking huge. I remember seeing the fabulous Nina Hartley talk about porn and she quite readily stated that "there is everyday dick and special occasion cock. I want to get paid for special occasion cock." Oh Nina, my love, you would want to get paid for this one! The downside is that we rarely did it, but we ended up making out a lot! Hand to God, this man was the best looking naked man I had ever seen. And talk about caring. I'm not sure any of the guys I dated cared about me as much as him. It was the way he looked at me...as if he were getting drunk on the mere sight of me. Remember how I said he was caring? Well luck and my clumsiness would have it that I fell down a partially filled pot hole in Chicago on the 4th of July. I seriously fucked my shit up. This man carried me to the El station, and had his friend follow him in another car so he could drive me home and then carry me inside. No matter how much time has passed, I will always look upon our on and off again time with great fondness.
The guy I was totally and hopelessly addicted to
Oh my....where do I begin with this guy I'm going to call Alex. Alex was absolutely beautiful. He rocked everything I liked. Tall, slim, longish hair, blue eyes, big and luscious lips. I was drunk on his looks before we ever got down and dirty. The funny thing about Alex is that he had noticed me way before I ever became familiar with who he was. How do I know this? I tested him of course! He could recall the exact stairwell (my high school seriously had tons of different stairwells) I would take. He was also the very first person I had phone sex with. Holler! This is even funnier when I think that I did this on my physician dad's private number that he used for calls from the hospital. I wanted this guy in the worst way possible. It turns out that we were enormously sexually compatible (we fit together so well!) and I was hooked after the first few times we did it. We were shameless, and our booty calls lasted for many years. In fact, I had little interest in exploring sex partners in the first few years of college as I knew I would get an amazing sexual fix the next time I went home. Of all the guys I've talked about, Alex and I had less of a traditional relationship and more of a dysfunctional one. One of us would call, and it was me who would go running; running straight for his beautiful cock. But man the sex. It was absolutely orgasmic. Time with him left me very happy and satiated. We got ourselves into some of the most interesting positions, and yet it seemed to work. We would usually do it more than once when we were together, and he was definitely no 3 pump chump. It wasn't unusual for me to cum 3 or 4 times before he even came once. Like I said, I was addicted to him in a very unhealthy way. I knew that then and can clearly see it now, but, damn, the sex was just so white hot.
The guys who wouldn't fuck me
That's right, I wrote guys, as in plural. 3 to be exact. Things didn't work out sexually with each of these fine fellows, but for different reasons. But, for the record, I should say that I didn't take it hugely personally. Yes I was young, but I felt guys were lucky to be having sex with me. Yeah, that sounds conceited and all, but you can see what I looked like. I had a taut, firm body, was up for most things, and was a world class fellatio artiste. Seriously, I would have wanted to fuck me. Hmmm, well, I guess that would be considered masturbation, and I had a robust masturbatory life back in the day.
Thanks for joining me through this little trip down memory lane.
By the by, if you were to ask any of the above men, I doubt any of them would be surprised to learn about my life as a sex educator.